how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
