i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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