I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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