If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
