My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
