so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
