Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
