nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
