my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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