Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
