Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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