Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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