Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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