YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
