Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
