either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
