just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
