I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just pee around me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
