Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
