i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
