thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
