This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
