I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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