from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
