sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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