I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Panties = found
Randomize
