Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
