Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
