i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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