i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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