Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The Olympian is in my bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
