I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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