i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
