....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
