nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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