im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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