She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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