I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
