just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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