I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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