Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
