Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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