Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
