This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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