his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
