That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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