you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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