When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
