Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
