Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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