i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
